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Funniest shit ever
#1
Recently i started shooting people with meth needles as chemist because they keep annoying me, this is the result;

Zak Kananga says, "Ted, have you been force feeding people meth?"

Ted says, "No"

Lou Flickinger says, "Ah you bitch"

Ted says, "Im giving them mannitol"

Lou Flickinger says, "It was"

Zak Kananga says, "Please open the door so I can search you"

Lou Flickinger twitches violently.

Ted says, "Its not meth"

Ted says, "Or maybe it was the wrong syringe"

Lou Flickinger says, "Fucking brain"

Kara Carr has analyzed Kara Carr's vitals!

Ted exclaims, "Dont come in, ill drink this meth!"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Ey chemist pal"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "My friend"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Someone's force feeding people meth"

Allegra Durstine says, "Heya chem"

Ted says, "Wasnt my fault i mixed up the syringes"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "So"

Chungo Bumbulon asks, "You admit it?"

Papaporo Paprito flutters, "Whats going on"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "That's kind of a piss poor defense my dude"

Ted says, "I admit to nothing unless i have a lawyer"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Howmst the fuck do you mix meth"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "And anything else"

Alex Maeyers says, "Excuse me officers"

Allegra Durstine asks, "Why are the shutters down?"

Chungo Bumbulon asks, "Yes?"

Alex Maeyers says, "Officers arrest this man"

Ted says, "I had multiple syringes with mannithol and meth"

Ted says, "And mixed them up"

Alex Maeyers says, "He is mixing deadly chemns"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Great..."

Alex Maeyers says, "Move I will open"

Allegra Durstine says, "Ok"

You swallow a gulp of the large beaker.

You can taste bitterness.

Kara Carr moans!

You swallow a gulp of the large beaker.x2

You swallow a gulp of the large beaker.x2

The large beaker is empty!x2

Alex Maeyers says, "Arrest him please"

Zak Kananga is trying to put handcuffs on Ted!

Allegra Durstine says, "To the ground pls"

Ted says, "Ha"

Ted says, "Drank 70u of pure meth"

Zak Kananga tries to remove Ted's leather satchel.

Alex Maeyers says, "Brig him please"

Allegra Durstine has stunned you with the stun baton!

Allegra Durstine has beaten Ted in the right leg with the stun baton!

Allegra Durstine puts the stun baton into the security belt.

You feel like you can run the world.

Allegra Durstine puts the stun baton into the security belt.

Allegra Durstine has grabbed Ted passively!

Kara Carr moans!

Kara Carr stammers, "I n-need-d a c-cur-re p-pl-leas-se"

You're restrained! You can't move!

You feel lightheaded.

Ted says, "Thrre is no cure"

[Common] Ted says, "Thrre is no cure"

Kara Carr twitches violently.

Ted says, "Were gonna die kara"

You step on the shard!

You feel hyper.

You step on the light tube!

You feel like you need to go faster.

Ted says, "Nice decorating, really livens up the place"

[Common] Alexis Mathienne says, "Thanks"

Ted attempts to remove the handcuffs!

You attempt to remove the handcuffs... (This will take around 1 minute and you need to stand still.)

Ted says, "Yo im like gonna die in a minute cause of that meth so"

Ted shivers.

You feel less in control of your thoughts.

Ted twitches violently.

Sergei Kalinkov yells, "You shouldn't have fucking taken meth then, bud!!"

Ted says, "What im trying to say is that i require a doctor"

Ted says, "Well i wasnt being taken alive or so i wasnt at the time"

Ted says, "But now i have a new look on life"

Ted says, "Sell dont drink"

Ted asks, "Btw can i have a cig?"

You fail to remove the handcuffs!

Tub-of-Bath-Water hisses, "No man sssorry"

Tub-of-Bath-Water hisses, "Under order not allowed to fuel any addictionsss"

Ted says, "Damn, got a nasty nicotine habbit"

Tub-of-Bath-Water has grabbed Ted passively!

Ted asks, "How havent i died yet, that was 70u of pure meth i drank?"  ~~~ I forgot that the meth i drank had manithol in it so i got all the benefits of meth without dying ~~~

Tub-of-Bath-Water hisses, "They're permabrigging you"

Ted asks, "Awww why?"

Ted says, "It was only meth"

Tub-of-Bath-Water hisses, "SSSome sssort of thing ssso you can't take meth"

Ted says, "Not like i tried to blow up virology"

Tub-of-Bath-Water hisses, "I jussst follow what they sssay"

Ted says, "Because i didnt"

Tub-of-Bath-Water tries to remove Ted's handcuffs.

Tub-of-Bath-Water puts the handcuffs into the security satchel.

Tub-of-Bath-Water hisses, "SSSee if you can get a lawyer"

Ted says, "Noice"

Ted says, "Ill call saul"

Tub-of-Bath-Water has grabbed you aggressively!

Tub-of-Bath-Water hisses, "NO AIR"

Tub-of-Bath-Water unlocks Prisoner Locker.

Tub-of-Bath-Water hisses, "NO AIR HELp"

The security newscaster beeps, "Breaking news from Station Announcements!"


Central Command Update


Central Command Medium-Priority Update

Based on our sophisticated probabilistic models, we believe that one of the station's pets has developed human level intelligence, and the ability to communicate.

Ted asks, "No air?"

Ted asks, "What are you talking about?"

Ted says, "Ohh"

Ted says, "Your suffocating"

Ted says, "Ill find help"

Ted says, "Ah well i cant help you cause i dont have a keycard"

Ted tries to remove Tub-of-Bath-Water's Tub-of-Bath-Water's ID Card (Security Officer).

Ted tries to remove Unknown's security HUDSunglasses.

Ted tries to remove Unknown's security bowman headset.

Ted tries to remove Unknown's security gas mask.

Ted tries to remove Unknown's helmet.

Ted tries to remove Unknown's security satchel.

Ted tries to remove Unknown's armor vest.

Ted tries to remove Unknown's security jumpsuit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I escaped by walking out of security dressed in the lizards uniform and ID ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tub-of-Bath-Water drools.

Tub-of-Bath-Water has grabbed Tub-of-Bath-Water passively!

Tub-of-Bath-Water twitches violently.

Tub-of-Bath-Water drools.

Tub-of-Bath-Water twitches violently.

You have to remove your mask first!x2

You swallow a gulp of the charcoal bottle.

You can taste ash.

You swallow a gulp of the charcoal bottle.x2

You swallow a gulp of the charcoal bottle.x2

You add the charcoal bottle to the smart chemical storage.

You check yourself for injuries.

        Your chest is numb.

        Your head is OK.

        Your left arm is numb.

        Your right arm is OK.

        Your right leg is bruised and numb.

        Your left leg is bruised.

You're starving!

You have these quirks: Smoker, Depression, Bad Back, Drunken Resilience, Alcohol Tolerance, Light Step.

You swallow a gulp of the charcoal bottle.

You can taste ash.

The charcoal bottle is empty!

The charcoal bottle is empty!

Ted (as Tub-of-Bath-Water) attempts to swallow the charcoal pill (10u).

You swallow the charcoal pill (10u)

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Oi"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Stop"

Chungo Bumbulon shoves Tub-of-Bath-Water!

Your grip on the disabler loosens!

You regain your grip on the disabler

Chungo Bumbulon is hit by a disabler beam in the chest!

Tub-of-Bath-Water fires the disabler point blank at Chungo Bumbulon!

Chungo Bumbulon is hit by a disabler beam in the chest!

Tub-of-Bath-Water fires the disabler point blank at Chungo Bumbulon!

Chungo Bumbulon is hit by a disabler beam in the chest!

Tub-of-Bath-Water fires the disabler point blank at Chungo Bumbulon!

Tub-of-Bath-Water fires the disabler point blank at Chungo Bumbulon!

Chungo Bumbulon has stunned you with the stun baton!

Chungo Bumbulon puts the stun baton into the security satchel.

Chungo Bumbulon shoves Tub-of-Bath-Water!

Chungo Bumbulon fires the disabler!

Your armor softens the blow!

Tub-of-Bath-Water is hit by a disabler beam in the chest!

Chungo Bumbulon fires the disabler!

Your armor softens the blow!

Tub-of-Bath-Water is hit by a disabler beam in the head!

Chungo Bumbulon fires the disabler!

Your armor softens the blow!

Tub-of-Bath-Water is hit by a disabler beam in the chest!

Chungo Bumbulon fires the disabler!

Your armor softens the blow!

Tub-of-Bath-Water is hit by a disabler beam in the chest!

Chungo Bumbulon is trying to put handcuffs on Tub-of-Bath-Water!

Chungo Bumbulon asks, "Okay really?"

Chungo Bumbulon asks, "Gonna stun me?"

Chungo Bumbulon has grabbed Tub-of-Bath-Water passively!

Ted (as Tub-of-Bath-Water) says, "Dammit"

Ted (as Tub-of-Bath-Water) says, "You caught me"

Ted (as Tub-of-Bath-Water) asks, "But how?"

Chungo Bumbulon is restraining Tub-of-Bath-Water, you cannot push past.

Tub-of-Bath-Water moans!

Chungo Bumbulon puts the disabler into the security satchel.

Chungo Bumbulon has grabbed Tub-of-Bath-Water passively!

Chungo Bumbulon says, "You have a lizard's ID"

Tub-of-Bath-Water moans!

Chungo Bumbulon says, "You are not a"

Chungo Bumbulon shoves Tub-of-Bath-Water, knocking them down!

Chungo Bumbulon has grabbed Tub-of-Bath-Water passively!

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Lizard"

Ted (as Tub-of-Bath-Water) says, "Ah i see"

Ted (as Tub-of-Bath-Water) says, "Very smart"

Ted (as Tub-of-Bath-Water) says, "Btw i didnt kill him"

Hayden Steele (as Unknown) says, "Great..."

Ted (as Tub-of-Bath-Water) says, "He died of suffocating"

Chungo Bumbulon has grabbed Tub-of-Bath-Water passively!

Hayden Steele (as Unknown) says, "Another shitstain in red"

Chungo Bumbulon has stunned you with the stun baton!

Hayden Steele (as Unknown) says, "Wew"

Chungo Bumbulon puts the stun baton into the security satchel.

Ted (as Tub-of-Bath-Water) says, "He had a mask on but ran out of oxygen"

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Tub-of-Bath-Water's Tub-of-Bath-Water's ID Card (Security Officer).

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Dont let this guy"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Get away"

Hayden Steele (as Unknown) says, "I AM A WIZARD"

Chungo Bumbulon puts Tub-of-Bath-Water's ID Card (Security Officer) into the box.

Ted (as Unknown) says, "Oh also i forgot to tell you about the wizard staff"

Chungo Bumbulon has grabbed Unknown passively!

Zak Kananga asks, "Who is this guy?"

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Unknown's security satchel.

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Unknown's helmet.

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Unknown's security gas mask.x2

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Unknown's science goggles.

Unknown drools.

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Unknown's security bowman headset.

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Unknown's armor vest.

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Unknown's security jumpsuit.

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Unknown's stun baton.

Chungo Bumbulon says, "He's impersonating sec"

Ted twitches violently.

Chungo Bumbulon has thrown the stun baton.

Ted says, "Yo"

Jamie Richards says, "This sec is broken and corrupt"

Chungo Bumbulon has thrown the security satchel.

Jamie Richards says, "What a shitshow"

Ted says, "I escaped"

Zak Kananga says, "Ah ted, again"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Yeah he's got tons of stolen shit"

Ted moans!

Chungo Bumbulon has thrown the armor vest.

Chungo Bumbulon has thrown the handcuffs.

Ted says, "Cause the lizard croaked"

Ted says, "Had a mask on and no oxy tank"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Oi"

Ted drools.

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Get ALL of this out of here"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "And in a locker"

Orange George puts the disabler into the security satchel.

Zak Kananga puts the armor vest into the security backpack.

Ted says, "Suffocated so i tok his stuff and made a runner"

Zak Kananga puts the stun baton into the security backpack.

Ted drools.

Zak Kananga puts the armor vest into the security satchel.

Ted asks, "Pretty smart huh?"

Ted says, "Thats some shawshank shit right ther"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Yeah except for the part"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Where I caught your ass"

Zak Kananga says, "Sir"

Sergei Kalinkov says, "Nevermind."

Sergei Kalinkov says, "Who's this guy"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Sir"

Ted drools.

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Stole ALL of one of our guards things"

Zak Kananga says, "The chemist from before"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Was impersonating them"

Ted says, "My names actually juan, i jumped the border"

Sergei Kalinkov says, "Oh boy."

Chungo Bumbulon says, "They took all of tub's shit"

Zak Kananga says, "The one with the meth"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "And they attacked me"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "With a disabler"

Sergei Kalinkov says, "Perma his ass."

Ted asks, "You want his body?"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "When I asked who the fuck they were"

Ted says, "I can show you his body"

Sergei Kalinkov says, "He's a danger to society and everyone on this station."

Ted says, "I hid it in plain sight"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "He was escaping my cuffs"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "He might have implants"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "He might be a traitor"

Zak Kananga says, "We should fucking space him, going after one of us"

Ted says, "My only implant is intelligence and meth"

Sergei Kalinkov says, "I'll put down the record, get a medic in here to take out any implants in perma."

Chungo Bumbulon says, "That's a good one, ted."

Chungo Bumbulon unbuckles you from the chair.

Sergei Kalinkov says, "Oh it's you."

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Time for perma"

Chungo Bumbulon tries to put the orange shoes on Ted.

Ted says, "His body is infront fo the head of securities office"

Chungo Bumbulon tries to put the prison jumpsuit on Ted.

Ted says, "Where no one would find it"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Great..."

Chungo Bumbulon asks, "Thanks for telling us that?"

Ted says, "Your welcome"

Ted says, "Thats my good deed for the day"

Chungo Bumbulon buckles you to the bed!

Chungo Bumbulon tries to remove Ted's handcuffs.

Chungo Bumbulon has stunned you with the stun baton!

Chungo Bumbulon puts the stun baton into the security satchel.

Chungo Bumbulon shoves Ted!

Chungo Bumbulon puts the handcuffs into the security satchel.

Ted says, "Well actually my second good deed"

Ted says, "My first was giving that guy meth"

Ted says, "He seemed desperate"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "So mate"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Tell me"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "How the fuck were you escaping cuffs"

Ted asks, "What do you mean?"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "My grip"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "You got out of my grip"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "With cuffs"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Three times"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "By 'moaning'"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "I've never seen that shit"

Chungo Bumbulon asks, "What are you?"

Ted says, "M8 i drank 70u of meth, im superman"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Oh jesus christ"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "That"

Ted says, "And mannithol"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Might indeed explain it"

Ted says, "So it heals the damage"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Yeah... Didn't know meth would let you break free of my grip"

Ted says, "As i said, shawshank shit"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "That's pretty legendary"

Chungo Bumbulon asks, "Want some more mth?"

Ted says, "Thank you"

Ted says, "Im very proud"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Enjoy the pill bottle"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Has all sorts of shit"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Don't blame me if it goes wrong"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Warden wants your head"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "But personally"

Chungo Bumbulon says, "Hope you live mate"
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#2
jesus christ that's a long post
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#3
I shot one person with space drugs as a chemist and got a 3 day ban. Nice work lad
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